The world of advertising is a silly place, and controversies in commercials have been around since the beginning. Who could forget Michael Jackson lighting himself on fire for Pepsi, or Kendall Jenner being kinda racist... for Pepsi. Dang, Pepsi, get it together. Everyone prefers Coke anyway, at least get your ads right.
But today, I'd like to introduce you to your new favorite marketing niche. The marketing of bathtub trays. I know it doesn't sound like much, but stick with me. You know the ones. Those little trays you drape across your bathtub that holds your book and your phone and your little rubber ducky friend.
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Well, holy lord are they marketed in an insane way. I'm talking trays with mountains of cheese, six iPads, a bucket of shrimp, and two different editions of the Bible Okay, maybe they're not that crazy, but pretty darn close. See what I mean below! It's nuts.
Let's start with the hypothesis.
The people who manufacture bathtub trays seem to have no idea what women actually do in the bath and I find that st… https://t.co/JMKssBLbi7— 🎹 Sharon Su 🎹 (@🎹 Sharon Su 🎹) 1553395664.0
How about the shape of this tray?
@doodlyroses Why is that woman bathing with the dashboard of a 2005 Renault Scenic? I'm not judging, just surprised… https://t.co/T2KHxvJUWe— devolute (@devolute) 1553453574.0
At least she has options.
@doodlyroses lol I love that she is drinking both a latte and wine— Musicology Duck (@Musicology Duck) 1553395727.0
My college years: in a sentence.
@MusicologyDuck @doodlyroses Nothing like that refreshing blend of stimulant and depressant.— M. T. Anderson (@M. T. Anderson) 1553395921.0
Some people are coming up with creative excuses.
@_MTAnderson @doodlyroses unless she's going to just stay in the tub for like 7 hours, and the coffee is for AM and the wine for PM— Musicology Duck (@Musicology Duck) 1553396071.0
Modern urbanism, in a bath tray.
@doodlyroses What gets me about this one is the teeny tiny flower arrangement-- that seems to include a tiny patch… https://t.co/KYjnAGYOS7— Patricia Wallinga, famous MiG insulter (@Patricia Wallinga, famous MiG insulter) 1553454648.0
Love sitting in a bubble bath with a glass of wine and a [checks notes] small undressed salad https://t.co/NgA3ri2wXb— 🎹 Sharon Su 🎹 (@🎹 Sharon Su 🎹) 1553395724.0
Three drinks, two screens, one you.
You know it's not a complete bath without a glass of red wine, a tiny latte, and an empty mug. Ambience brought to… https://t.co/UJQhDJOqpz— 🎹 Sharon Su 🎹 (@🎹 Sharon Su 🎹) 1553395980.0
The tray for the multitasker in your life.
As a woman, I enjoy painting my nails in the bathtub while simultaneously grabbing handfuls of cornflakes, reading… https://t.co/uoRmAUUnLx— 🎹 Sharon Su 🎹 (@🎹 Sharon Su 🎹) 1553396117.0
Let's return to a simpler time.
@doodlyroses @SianySianySiany Where's the bowl of chicken nuggets— Natasha (@Natasha) 1553457765.0
The cocktail is back.
This company has figured out what women really want while bathing: half a bottle of j'adore perfume to continually… https://t.co/fw7ttRrSMn— 🎹 Sharon Su 🎹 (@🎹 Sharon Su 🎹) 1553396318.0
Hi, it's me, your charcuterie bath companion.
The EXCESS in this photo! White AND red wine! Green AND purple grapes! Eight kinds of cheese! And the piece de resi… https://t.co/1VdXOuwWEK— 🎹 Sharon Su 🎹 (@🎹 Sharon Su 🎹) 1553396474.0
The effort for that thing was unreal.
@pwallinga These imaginary women put more thought and planning into preparing their baths than con artists doing crimes— 🎹 Sharon Su 🎹 (@🎹 Sharon Su 🎹) 1553456501.0
WHY DO THEY ALL HAVE IPADS?
Look if you're not chowing down on waffles and hot dogs while gazing at stock photography of the ocean then what ar… https://t.co/MrmPnr3riI— 🎹 Sharon Su 🎹 (@🎹 Sharon Su 🎹) 1553396526.0
It's been this way since the beginning of time.
@doodlyroses This has been going on for quite some time. As noted on the caption of this 1872 periodical, this Lite… https://t.co/r8DpZH7FWY— Mark Seifert (@Mark Seifert) 1553464370.0
We just use different techniques.
@electricland @markseifert01 @doodlyroses ...right up until the moment she knocks that bottle of ink over. ✒😲— InquisitiveCommander (@InquisitiveCommander) 1553475750.0
This is my kind of bath.
@doodlyroses the reality https://t.co/u735gIG09j— Tracy Facey (@Tracy Facey) 1553490545.0
Here's a simple one from Amazon, at least someone has taste.
via: AmazonOh, what's that? This bath tray costs $145? And it doesn't come with an iPad? Seriously, how is that possible...?
I like to call this one "the double-fister".
via: AmazonWe don't need to pretend that the two glasses of wine were our idea anymore. This bath tray is trying to take us off the hook. It's the bath tray's fault I'm drunk off rosé at 6:15 as I run away from all of my responsibilities.
How. Precarious. Can. It. Be?
via: AmazonI hope you're ready to watch your iPad slip through the cracks of this bath tray that looks like it's ready to fall into the bath on its own at any minute.
I think we all learned a valuable lesson today.
In short I have learned that I am apparently bathing all wrong and will rectify this immediately— 🎹 Sharon Su 🎹 (@🎹 Sharon Su 🎹) 1553396670.0
I'd like to conclude with some of my absolute favorite bathtub stock photos.
via: GettyGuys, look at the two bottles of champaign in the top left of this photo. I need to know what's in store for this woman or what she's celebrating. It's really important.
Or how about this one?
via: GettyBecause God forbid you show a single inch of an older woman's shoulder. She's practically wearing a suit of bubbles.
This is how a millennial ages gracefully.
via: GettyWith a teardrop bathtub and your old college record player.
The sheer amount of flower pedals.
via: GettyDo you know how much roses cost? Please, someone, tell me she furiously pulled the pedals off a $60 bouquet of roses just to feel slightly more relaxed.
Those ducks are talking about you, you know.
via: GettyJust judging your reading choices. Seriously, you're reading another Gillian Flynn novel? Aren't they all the same?
The Game of Thrones bathtub.
via: GettyI don't know where this woman is, but I'm 90% sure she's waiting for Jon Snow to join her. And honestly, who isn't?
She brought the whole forest with her.
via: GettyDestroying ecosystems, one bath at a time. It's a flower massacre.
Slowly tiptoe around all the fire and try not to step on any candles when you escape.
via: GettyI love imagining the minutes before she got in the tub. "Okay, let me just run the bath and then individually light 50 candles so the water's cold by the time I get in."
What was I getting in this bath for again?
via: GettyOh, to relax. Thanks magnets on my bathroom wall! What would I do without you?