No One Can Figure out What's up With These Bizarre Bathtub Tray Ads

The world of advertising is a silly place, and controversies in commercials have been around since the beginning. Who could forget Michael Jackson lighting himself on fire for Pepsi, or Kendall Jenner being kinda racist... for Pepsi. Dang, Pepsi, get it together. Everyone prefers Coke anyway, at least get your ads right.

But today, I'd like to introduce you to your new favorite marketing niche. The marketing of bathtub trays. I know it doesn't sound like much, but stick with me. You know the ones. Those little trays you drape across your bathtub that holds your book and your phone and your little rubber ducky friend.

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Well, holy lord are they marketed in an insane way. I'm talking trays with mountains of cheese, six iPads, a bucket of shrimp, and two different editions of the Bible Okay, maybe they're not that crazy, but pretty darn close. See what I mean below! It's nuts.

Let's start with the hypothesis.

There is so much going on in this picture, I don't even know where to start.

How about the shape of this tray?

It does look like it's a steering wheel away from being street legal. Imagine that -- driving to work while still in the bath.

At least she has options.

It's when the part of your brain that can't decide what to have for dinner tries to treat yoself.

My college years: in a sentence.

Okay, not really, unless you consider Redbull a stimulant and depression a... depressant.

Some people are coming up with creative excuses.

This woman would look like Rose at the end of the Titanic if she stayed in the bath that long. So pruney!

Modern urbanism, in a bath tray.

The houseplants are taking over. Soon we'll be using leaves as exfoliators and dirt as soap. Okay, probably not.

Another one!

I image she just loves to stare at the iPad's home screen while she relaxes. Nothing is more calming.

Three drinks, two screens, one you.

How relaxing is this? I can't wait to hop out of the tub to pee after consuming all these beverages. Or are we doing beach rules?

The tray for the multitasker in your life.

I love that all of these bath trays assume you're gonna get hammered before you turn in for the night. Who's making themselves an electric blue cocktail on a weeknight? Or maybe this is weekend pregame bath tray configuration.

Let's return to a simpler time.

Why do we need lattes and granola? Whatever happened to a corndog and yoohoo while taking a bath? Sometimes you just want to be a kid again.

The cocktail is back.

Seriously, whoever is handing out the sorority sister's cocktail of choice needs to give me one, stat before I start to lose it.

Hi, it's me, your charcuterie bath companion.

Someone stopped by Trader Joe's on the way home from work...

The effort for that thing was unreal.

Seriously, that last photo looked like she was preparing a bath for two, got stood up on her weird bath date, and shook it off without a care in the world.


Seriously. If I don't have an iPad, am I still allowed to buy one of these things, or do they just come free with every purchase?

It's been this way since the beginning of time.

In fact, I'm writing this article in the bath as we speak. 2019 and 1872 really aren't that different.

We just use different techniques.

I can't tell you how many laptops I've had to buy after knocking them into the tub. You'd think I'd learn...

This is my kind of bath.

In my ideal world, I would have a bucket of lego and two glasses of wine. No reason to have one and not the other.

Here's a simple one from Amazon, at least someone has taste.

via: Amazon

Oh, what's that? This bath tray costs $145? And it doesn't come with an iPad? Seriously, how is that possible...?

I like to call this one "the double-fister".

via: Amazon

We don't need to pretend that the two glasses of wine were our idea anymore. This bath tray is trying to take us off the hook. It's the bath tray's fault I'm drunk off rosé at 6:15 as I run away from all of my responsibilities.

How. Precarious. Can. It. Be?

via: Amazon

I hope you're ready to watch your iPad slip through the cracks of this bath tray that looks like it's ready to fall into the bath on its own at any minute.

I think we all learned a valuable lesson today.

And that lesson is: never enter a bathtub without at least two glasses of wine and an iPad.

I'd like to conclude with some of my absolute favorite bathtub stock photos.

via: Getty

Guys, look at the two bottles of champaign in the top left of this photo. I need to know what's in store for this woman or what she's celebrating. It's really important.

Or how about this one?

via: Getty

Because God forbid you show a single inch of an older woman's shoulder. She's practically wearing a suit of bubbles.

This is how a millennial ages gracefully.

via: Getty

With a teardrop bathtub and your old college record player.

The sheer amount of flower pedals.

via: Getty

Do you know how much roses cost? Please, someone, tell me she furiously pulled the pedals off a $60 bouquet of roses just to feel slightly more relaxed.

Those ducks are talking about you, you know.

via: Getty

Just judging your reading choices. Seriously, you're reading another Gillian Flynn novel? Aren't they all the same?

The Game of Thrones bathtub.

via: Getty

I don't know where this woman is, but I'm 90% sure she's waiting for Jon Snow to join her. And honestly, who isn't?

She brought the whole forest with her.

via: Getty

Destroying ecosystems, one bath at a time. It's a flower massacre.

Slowly tiptoe around all the fire and try not to step on any candles when you escape.

via: Getty

I love imagining the minutes before she got in the tub. "Okay, let me just run the bath and then individually light 50 candles so the water's cold by the time I get in."

What was I getting in this bath for again?

via: Getty

Oh, to relax. Thanks magnets on my bathroom wall! What would I do without you?